Worst iPhone Apps Ever
Need a taxi, and can’t seem to catch one? There’s an app for that. Wanna know which song you’re listening to you, and can’t seem to figure it out? Guess what? There’s an app for that! Need a caffeine fix, like, immediately, and can’t manage to track down a Starbucks? Wait for it… Wait for it… There’s an app for that, too!
Yes, it seems that with every passing day, a new mobile app is developed. The mobile gods are intent on making life as easy as possible for iPhone users, and touch-screen consumers couldn’t be more thrilled. There’s a wealth of downloadable applications to choose from, each one appearing (appearing, being the operative word here) more useful and intuitive than the next. Welcome to the future, ya’ll!
However, not every idea can be a good one. Indeed, for each certifiably useful app that’s developed, ten horrifyingly senseless apps follow in their wake.
Today, we’ve compiled a list of the five silliest iPhone apps available for download. Enjoy!
1. Rate A Fart 2.0
OK, time for some real talk. Everyone farts. It doesn’t matter your gender, chosen profession, or dietary predilection. (That’s right, we’re looking you, Mr. Soy-Milk-In-My-Coffee-Tofu-In-My-Burritos) If you’re alive and breathing, you’re passing gas from time to time, too. The difference here is that some people see it as a necessary bodily function, and others see it as a reason to laugh and high five. Just as you’d imagine, based on the name alone, Rate-A-Fart 2.0 allows users to record the sound of their butt bombs, upload said sound to a database, and invite other fart enthusiasts to rate the sound using their mobile devices. We can only imagine the hilarity that will surely ensue once we develop the technology to capture and transfer smells electronically. Not.
The perfect app for people with small IQ’s and large trust funds. It’ll only run you 99 cents, plus the cost of replacing your phone when it smashes into bits on the pavement! That’s right, folks. Here’s an app that measures how high you can lob your iPhone into the air, and the length of time between toss and catch. We can’t imagine why anyone would knowingly run the risk of destroying their mobile device for the sake if sheer entertainment? But then again, the world is filled with stupid people.
3. Sexy Alphabet Deluxe
Letters are sexy. Just ask our copywriter. Lucky for us, the developers of this genius app have kicked it up a notch, offering lonely men everywhere the chance to practice their ABC’s, and get a little excited while doing so. This app is about as basic as they come. The app allows you to listen to the letters of the alphabet read aloud “in a sexual and sophisticated way.” It’s like having a naughty kindergarten teacher in your back pocket at all times. And goodness knows, we all want that.
Drugs are bad. We all know this. The short and long term effects are both detrimental to your heath, relationships, and in most cases, your career. Unless you’re Charlie Sheen. (He has tiger blood, guys.) That’s why we’re utterly perplexed by iSnort, a mobile app that simulates the process of pouring, cutting, and snorting narcotics. Unless you get a high from looking like an absolute fool in public, we can’t imagine what the benefit to downloading this app might be? If you’re going to get hooked on anything, shoot for Angry Birds, ok?
5. Kiss Me
Hey! Here’s a sanitary idea! You know that iPhone that you’ve been leaving on tables, taking on the subway, jamming in your lint filled pockets, and forgetting in the backseats of cabs, only to be returned days later by a complete stranger who, somehow, believes in “karma”? You should pucker up and kiss it! Why? Because it can tell you what a good kisser you are! Yup, the Kiss Me app is able to rate your peck based on “how much time and attention you put into your kiss.” Practice makes perfect! One day, maybe you’ll get your first real-person kiss. But probably not. Sorry.
Did we miss any? Tell us about the dumbest app out there in the comments section below!