The Best (Worst) Banned Apps
If you’re anything like me, you lie awake at night, pondering the hard, deep questions of life. Who is our creator? What was I put on this earth to do? What would I look like if I were Asian? There was an app that could have helped me find one of those answers, but thanks to the PRUDES at Google, I won’t be able see what I would look like had I been born with a Japanese background.
That’s right, everyone. Sorry to be the bearer of obvious news, but the ‘Make Me Asian’ app has been pulled from the Google Play Store. Why? Well, not only is it EXTREMELY offensive, but it’s also unbelievably stupid. But wait, there’s more!!
In fact, with so many apps being developed and released these days, it isn’t uncommon for some truly offensive and/or stupid apps to somehow manage to make the cut. Of course, it never takes long before these apps are deleted, and for seriously good reason.
So in honour of these fallen apps, may they rot in hell, here are the top five banned apps we’ve come across.
5. Yoda Bong Origami
So, you can pretty much figure out what this app is about just by reading the name. It’s an app that teaches you how to create replicas of your favourite Star Wars characters, smoking weed from a bong, out of paper. Apparently, the instructions for creating these miniature masterpieces were hard to follow. Could that have to do with the mental state of the app users that would be drawn to purchase such an app? I almost guarantee. Either way, this app was quickly banned with a cease-and-desist order from Lucas Films. Go figure.
4. Tofu Freshness Countdown
Have you ever bought tofu, only to forget to cook it in a reasonable amount of time? Could have to do with all those crumpled up pieces of paper that represent attempts at a Wookie hooting on a water pipe. Either way, there was an app that would count the amount of time your Tofu has gone untouched for. Why this was banned, I cannot say. Just use your vision or taste app.
3. Drunk Dial App
At first read, I felt like this was a phone lock that would prevent a late night mistake. It actually detects if you are walking in a drunken pattern, and then silently dials your most phoned or texted number. It’s no wonder this app no longer exists, as it’s the worst. You’d have to be 5 deep to download it, anyway.
2. I Stole It! App
No kleptomaniac should exist without a detailed list of all the items they’ve stolen, right? How else are you supposed to keep track of all the money you save? It’s too bad this idiotic app was taken down, as I would have liked to have shoplifted it from the App Store.
1. False Pregnancy App
The description reads: See what your boyfriend, fiance or husband is made of with the False Positive Pregnancy App for iPhone! Apparently, some girls are the worst. All I can say is that it’s a good that Maury Pauvich DNA test app exists. Oh, what? It doesn’t? That’s a shame…